Don't Pull Away From Me
by Scalding Starfish
Summary: Arthur is newly engaged to Gwen and Merlin had never imagined how much it would hurt. While Merlin is fighting his feelings, Arthur is sorting his out and is deciding on marrying Gwen or going after what he wants; Merlin. AU  slash
1. Chapter 1

He was supposed to be happy when this day came, but all Merlin could do was smile his fake smile and excuse himself with a petty excuse of feeling under the weather. Merlin grimaced at the shouts and praises in the room and sighed in relief when the door shut behind him and the sounds were muffled. He knew that reaching and clutching the area above his heart wouldn't stop the pain, but he tried to ease the intense pain spreading throughout his chest. If he thought when Freya was killed was the worst; he hadn't even imagined this pain.

Merlin knew that this day would come and he had welcomed it. Hell, he had even helped it to be. Though, he had never imagined that it would hurt him this much. Pushing himself off the wall outside Arthur's apartment, he walked down the hall. He made it to the stairs and down two flights before he tripped. His face nearly crashed into the ground if he hadn't attempted to place one hand in front of it. He lay awkwardly against the ground and wall and closed his eyes.

The pain increased in his chest and he clawed at his chest trying to make it stop. His eyes burned with tears and they licked their way down his cheeks and on to the ground. They stung his face and blurred his vision. Wiping them furiously, he stood up and noticed his ankle was stinging. Ignoring the pain, he stumbled down the last flight of stairs and out of the building. He wiped any tears that snuck out of his eyes and let tiny gasps for air break free.

Only a few people were out at this time and they seemed to have their own troubles and didn't give him a second glance. That made him grateful. He trailed down two blocks until he reached his small apartment on the corner. It was an old building with many problems, but to him it was home and it welcomed him inside.

Climbing the staircase to his hall, he pulled out his keys and unlocked the door. Pulling it open, he let it shut softly behind him and walked to his door. He stood outside his door not moving for a few seconds letting tears cloud his vision. Shaking he raised his hand, unlocked his door and pushed it open. Walking clumsily into his apartment, he barely shut the door before he dropped his keys and then himself on to his bed before letting his chest become infested with pain for good.

* * *

><p>He pulled himself form his bed the next afternoon when he heard a knock on his door. Merlin had planned on staying in his apartment for the rest of the weekend, but someone planned differently. Rolling off the bed in an ungraceful motion, he stumbled to the door and hoped he looked presentable and opened the door.<p>

Arthur stood beaming like a child and he pushed his way inside of the apartment. "Merlin! You are the most forgetful person I have ever met! Did you just now wake up?" He paused but didn't leave room for Merlin to speak. "No wait, I know you did because you're still wearing what you wore yesterday and you have creases on your face from your pillow still."

Merlin had a burst of anger and he was about to retort until he remembered why he was still in bed. His chest constricted and he glanced away from Arthur. "What did I forget this time?"

Arthur gave him a glare, "We were supposed to go visit our parents today, remember?"

"We were?"

"I swear Merlin, how do you even keep a job. Oh wait, you don't," Arthur yammered. "And leaving early yesterday during my big day? I mean come on! You are my best friend and I wanted you to be there and then Morgana had to tell me you went home because you felt ill? Seriously, you could have just said you were bored and didn't want to stay. You didn't have to make up that lie-"

"Shut up!" Merlin snapped. His face instantly turned red and he turned away from Arthur.

Merlin could hear Arthur breath deeply and walked forward a bit before stopping right before Merlin. "Merlin?" Arthur questioned softly, "Are you alright? What's eating you?"

"Nothing."

They stood in silence for a few moments and Arthur reached forward and rested a hand on Merlin's shoulder, "That's a lie."

Merlin couldn't think of a way to get out the situation and inside he felt a warmth take place in his stomach at Arthur's hand warming his shoulder. "It's just," he paused and leaned into the hand a little before stepping away. "Something has been on my mind for a while and I needed sometime to think about it."

"Something has been on your mind?"

He didn't sound convinced.

"Yes, I didn't want to worry anyone so I didn't say anything," he rushed out.

"Are you sure it isn't someone?"

Merlin's heart tightened. _Does he know?_

"Someone?" he squeaked.

"There is someone! Tell me! Who has grabbed your attention? Do I know them?" Arthur pestered.

_Of course, he doesn't know. This is Arthur we are talking about. he doesn't understand small things very often unless told._

"There isn't anyone!" Merlin denied. They were facing each other and Merlin could only stare at Arthur's mouth as he prattled on about wanting to know.

Arthur kept up the pestering for a few minutes before Merlin snapped again.

"Why don't you mind your own damn business?"

Arthur's mouth shut and he frowned. His friend had never snapped that bad at him unless there was something huge troubling him. "Merlin, I'm-"

"I can't tell you," he whispered.

Arthur stared at him. "What? Why not?"

"You wouldn't understand and it isn't good," Merlin shook his head clearing his thoughts. "Anyway, are we going to the 'rents?"

Arthur stared a little longer at his friend and the fake smile plastered on his face. He nodded and they walked to the door after Merlin changed his clothes. The car ride was silent and all Arthur could think of was how Merlin's eyes weren't their normal blue. They had dulled to almost black and it frightened him.

**Thanks for reading! Review?**

-Courtney :D


	2. Chapter 2

The drive to arrive at their parents house's was longer than planned when Gwen was picked up. Merlin squirmed himself into the backseat and watched as the two bantered back and forth in the front seat. The bad thing about being in the backseat was feeling like that awkward third wheel and that you couldn't participate in any of their conversations.

Staring out the window of the backseat, Merlin ignored their conversation and put his headphones in his ears. He hadn't seen his mother in a few years due to his work and school issues. Who could travel when they barely had enough money to scrap by for rent and food? Arthur had promised him that he wouldn't tell Merlin's mother and Arthur had almost broken that promise often.

It wasn't that Merlin was a bad worker and was fired constantly. No, he was fired constantly. The only issue with Merlin was that whatever he did, things turned nasty. He would forget about the pastries in an oven and the place would catch on fire, he would leave a car running when delivering something and when he would exit the place the car would be gone and the most recent, he couldn't keep his mouth shut when a customer complained about their order.

What little he did make was from mowing lawns, paintings and helping people move into apartments. There wasn't much he could do without major issues and almost no one ever asked him for help a second time. Arthur was one of the very few friends he had made growing up and the only one he kept. Lancelot and Gwaine were the two newer friends he had met through Arthur in his soccer team. Lancelot was the fastest and loved being the guy to save the day with the last winning goal and Gwaine was the one who loved to keep the benches warm and flirt with the cheerleaders but would plow through anyone in his way on the field.

Merlin remembered how most of the soccer players scuffed at Arthur's choices of friends but Arthur was the team captain in his third year and somehow Merlin was accepted., but Merlin knew he was truly accepted. There were times that the team had 'invited' Merlin to a function and when Arthur had asked him why he didn't show, Merlin would lie. To Merlin, Arthur was everything and he would give up him to his new friends even if it hurt because Arthur liked them.

Then they met Morgana. She was in their science class their third year and after a few chats with her, they met Gwen, her best friend. Arthur was smitten to her instantly and Merlin tried his hardest to not be jealous but be supportive. After a month, Arthur and Morgana discovered they were half siblings after a visit from Arthur's father, Uther. From then on, Morgana and Gwen had become their friends and that was their small circle of true friends.

Merlin had to admit that Gwen was someone he could lose Arthur to. She was the sweetest person who cared only for others. If he hadn't been so formed around Arthur, he could have liked her. She would listen to any problems and be there to help anyone in need at any possible time. She would make up excuses if you needed a alibi.

Closing his eyes, Merlin could see her caring for Arthur in his old age and they would watch their grandchildren run crazily across their lawn. the thought made him sick. He knew that was another reason Arthur was out of his reach.

Arthur wanted children.

* * *

><p>When they pulled into the long driveway between the two houses, Merlin burst from the car and went inside Uther Pendragon's house where he knew his mother would be preparing dinner. As he entered the house, he could smell something fruity and he almost moaned out loud. He had missed his mothers cooking and baking almost as much as he missed her. Turning the corner and entering the kitchen, he spotted her by the stove and Uther reading the paper at the table.<p>

Uther turned his attention to Merlin and smiled, "Merlin, how good to see you," he still had a scowl that seemed permanent. "I hope you brought my son along."

Merlin's mother, Hunith spun around and raced across the kitchen and embraced her son. Merlin squeezed her tightly and pressed his face into her neck inhaling her scent. A sudden need to cry filled him and he stepped back trying to control his emotions. He had really missed his mother more than he would have guessed. Approaching Uther, Merlin offered him a hug that he didn't dare reject in front of Hunith. Uther stood and embraced him. It was a strong hug that left Merlin a little breathless from lack of air.

Backing away, Merlin glanced up as Arthur entered holding Gwen's hand. And suddenly he rememebered the purpose of the visit. He was to help Arthur's father like Gwen and help plan the wedding that would take place in three months.

Merlin watched as they greeted the two and blinked rapidly trying to hold back tears that threatened to spill. He also rushed to the bathroom and proceeded to worship the toilet. From the kitchen her heard Arthur laugh, "Same ol' Merlin, getting car sick."

Merlin laughed as tears slipped down his cheeks. How wrong Arthur was.


End file.
